When I started my journey of self discovery, I knew that a big part of it would be in knowing what role spirit plays in my life. Having always believed in God, it was a not question whether He truly existed for me or not, it was how I turned to Him for guidance on my path.
The weeks leading up to my breakdown nearly three years ago tested my strength on a few levels. I knew in my heart and in my gut that I was going against what I called my personal integrity. I was working for a man who spoke to me in a way I didn’t have anyone else in my life speak to me.
I can say I had a good level of self esteem, one that I felt protected me from energies like his. I had an unspoken goal to make it to at least a year with this man, and that I could shake off his negative vibes. I was praying a lot during that time, and every weekend I worked hard to recover myself.
I still managed to make it into work with a straight face. Others in my office had said that every person who had been in my position had the same problem, only that it had worsened over the years.
One night after prayer, I sat in silence. I just closed my eyes and I don’t know how long I had been sitting there, but I knew I sank into a meditative state. It was a place where I just detached from my reality and it’s like I was floating in nowhere.
That was working well for me.
Then I asked in my peaceful state, ‘What do I do now?’ It’s not like I heard a voice speak to me or that a painted image of a holy man’s face appeared in my vision…it’s just that I received a message that I felt – as in I just ‘knew’ all of a sudden.
Well, the message I received that night was ‘Wait. You will know what to do when it is right. Wait’.
And so I did. A few days later there was yet another breakdown. The details mean nothing now but I never had it so clear before me. I called him (because it was over email that he decided to be nasty towards me), and he didn’t answer his phone. I called him again. Nothing.
So I sent an email, and without drama I simply said I was not the one to assist him in his success. He did not call me for three days.
Then finally he shows up and tells me that I ‘should know’ that the way he reacts is out of anger, and that he didn’t want me to go. I felt guided at that moment and I said that I had no where to go and no other job lined up. I gave him my notice anyway.
That was the beginning of my most personal relationship with Spirit. Call Him what you may because it is a different relationship for each person. But it is the beauty of knowing Him in a way that heals you.
I will share a lot about meditation as this site grows because it is truly the most powerful part of my journey. I think the most important thing to know about being on a personal journey and knowing who you are is trusting the path that leads you.
It is good to seek answers and have a desire to know who we are. Whatever pulls you into seeking your true self is much bigger than you can imagine. And consider yourself very blessed (we all are really, it’s just that not everyone follows their path) – that you seek a higher knowing.
Knowing that you are more than what you feel you are right now is a truth that will unfold on its own. You are already on your path because you are looking.
The most personal relationship is one that you hold with your higher self. You will know that the highest Spirit is also wherever you are.