Today I am fully present to who I am in inspiration. The seeds have been planted. In fact, I have been planting them for a long time!
But the beauty in the blossom is this: if what appears before me is my mirror, then my reflection is telling me what I am doing right.
I refer to my role as a parent a lot. I do this because it is the one role in my life that heals personal wounds of my upbringing. The more I engage in relationship with my kids, the more it strengthens their soul and spirit. How do I know this? Because they tell me so. Because they ask for my time, and are completely unafraid to tell me how much they need me. Many kids in high school and middle school do not talk openly to their parents in this manner. I have this with them.
I painted one wall in my first daughter’s with chalkboard paint. I suggested she can use it to write her favorite quotes, to display her goals, to remind her of who she is internally. I told her to use it in any way that would ‘call her forward to be who her heart says she is’.
She loved the idea.
When I was done painting, I wrote on her wall to test the chalk I bought. All I wrote was, “Mama loves you”. At fifteen years old, I expected her to erase it given I wrote it close to center, but she didn’t.
Instead she wrote around my script, and on that wall I was moved to tears to see the many words spoken from my voice. Quotes that are testament to who I am as her mother, and my desire for her to follow her inner calling. My words. Not words from my favorite spiritual teachers, my very own.
And she chose many of mine because they inspire her into a future she is committed to live into. A future of service, inspiration, and speaking from inner truth.
It is one of those moments where I am in complete gratitude for my work.
Because honestly, my kids tell me I say the same things all the time. I do this because often times they don’t hear me, or they act like they don’t. Or I don’t think they value what I share.
The seeds have been planted consistently for some time now. There is no agenda for these ‘lectures’ or sayings that are received with sarcastic repetition, eye rolling and turning away. I always say things out of love, even when it seems like it’s harsh.
They know when I have to be direct and candid; when I am right on the edge of risk in hurting their feelings. Sometimes what I say does hurt, but I follow-up my words with “I love you always”, even when we have a hard time understanding each other.
I say what I say and then I let it go, knowing that I always want them to have their own freedom to be, without judgment when they think so differently from me.
I am moved by my words that come from their mouths, when I overhear them talking to their peers, when they make the bold attempt to stand up for someone else in the light of being shamed by others. They are strong, committed to doing the right thing, unafraid to approach conversation with vulnerability and great truth.
I am inspiration. I am a person who wears her heart out on her sleeve despite the feedback that it doesn’t always display strength.
Really? I have children who show me who I am. For they are who I dreamed of being at their age. They met my dreams because I am a stand for them. They stand.
Now that is straight up inspiration.
Damn, I’m happy.