Maybe You Have Never Had Love

True love has been on my heart this whole month. After a deep conversation with a friend of mine, I looked in the mirror and the question, “Maybe you have never had love?” popped into my head. Great, I laugh anyway, knowing my ego is pecking at me.

True love: really. What does that cover? I wanted to take a deeper look because one, the question came up when I looked in the rear view mirror as I caught my reflection. And two, another friend of mine sat with me just yesterday and told me how intimacy is downright scary for her.

Wow. Love came up so much for me this month, even without researching what I wanted to highlight in my articles. For me, relationships trend like fashion. If it’s not my style, I don’t pay much attention to it.

Yet: I happen to be in a relationship, and in my last article,Are you in a mechanical relationship?”, I got real about how marriage and long term relationships mean nothing if there isn’t any relating going on. I had to look at my own lack and resentment during my now, ten year relationship.

Things ARE disconnected, and we choose to cope with our situation in whatever way we can keep it together. But here’s the deal: couples are not feeling togetherness.

So what is it about the idea of true love that made me question if I even had it? Have I even had an experience of true love? I think so: that is my honest answer.

When I meditated about the definition and value of love in my life, I came to the memory of knowing love for the first time. I was young, just eighteen.

My willing and open heart gave way to someone who met me where and when I wanted to be needed.

True love to me now is a knowing that I believe I have always known, maybe not in this lifetime but I do know it. For some reason I hold a memory and experience of complete surrender to another. I believe and know that trust is the glue of commitment, and that intimacy without physical touch or sex is the deepest and most pleasurable connection.

Love on a Soul level is not experienced by many of us simply because many of us are not in touch with our Soul. However, sometimes we just know what we know, and in the knowing opens the pathway to actualizing the experience we have had before. Only it is happening now, in a very familiar way and we recognize the feeling.

So - LOVE may be here for you now and you will decide if you will allow its truth to persevere.

Or – LOVE MAY NOT and you know - in the most sincere part of you – what you truly want for yourself, and if you believe it is yours to have.

You choose. You always choose.


Are You in a Mechanical Relationship?

Are you coupled? Are you in a mechanical relationship?

At first thought, what does that even mean to you?

Well, I can tell you. In every relationship I have had (intimate that is), I have found myself at some point being in the mechanical phase of total non-relating. Yet it happens. I think of this stage having passed the nervousness and giddiness of new relationship, arriving at the point when you actually take yourself off the market.

I think most people desire relationship, one that is ideal based, having taken time to consider personal preferences.

The rub in being in relationship is when we get to the point that we call it work, which never sounds like fun or joy.

The distinction of true relationship and a mechanical one is this: what is the authentic why that keeps you in it?

Before a relationship becomes a relationship, can you say you are aware of all that you are bringing in and leaving out? When you think of what kind of person fits your ideal partner, do you also assess that you are the ideal for yourself? 

I say this because I have been in relationship struggle my whole life. I am not saying I am in a bad one, but I think it falls into a mechanical one for sure, at least for now. And instead of going off the deep-end and worrying about what this looks like or means to my clients that I coach on a relationship level, I am really brought to my knees on getting to the truth of my own lack.

The mechanical relationship serves little in our wellbeing.

In fact, if we come up with security, financial comfort, or contentment as our whys, we may feel we are cheating ourselves. It’s a reality check if you care at all about experiencing true love and real connectedness.

But here is the life-cycle truth of relationships: when we meet people who become our partner, we never have the intent that we will turn mechanical. He or she does not consciously change on us to make us resentful. We don’t know when we are being neglectful either. We simply return to patterns of being that we ourselves didn’t choose. We learned them from our family, and we experienced them in our past lifetimes.

It is not the way of relationships to turn boring. It is more that we turn on consciousness by choice. We choose better, or we choose to BE better.

We reflect in truth and make the conscious decision to know our lack, move past it, and recognize that the person in front of us chooses to change also, or not.

This part IS work. But is it worth it? In truth, only you will KNOW.

For those still seeking or allowing love to arrive in authenticity, be true love first, say yes when you are ready, say yes to the one who will serve your truth. That’s LOVE.

Powerful Thought: If you were greater…

…what would people say if you decided to be a stronger person (because you know you are), what would they say?

Or is it possible that it’s scary to think of yourself as being that? Being strong. You have it in you.

I used to have this conversation with myself many years ago when I first knew my soul was speaking to me. It wasn’t an easy ride because as you know, I am still on the journey. Yet now I speak to you, a mirror of me. I am here to ask you how long will you go – how long can you abandon the desire to fulfill your life purpose?

I don’t think your soul will let you go that long.

So here’s the deal. When the ‘nudge’ or inner voice tells you to go deeper into your knowing, you can just say “Thank you, God!” (or your choice of Higher Source), because consider this your connection to the Divine. You are urged to be your higher Self.

You desire to be the SHE: Soul’s Highest Expression. Then: you are on your journey.

When you start to unravel the layers, you will uncover stuff you both love and hate. You will be in complete joy and then you will be disgusted. It is a process of unfolding… and you will do this for the rest of your journey here – on this plane – during this lifetime.

Being in greatness is an idea that may seem daunting to some people, but it may be that it will be most daunting to those who have kept you small much of your life.

In the end, the greatest suffering would be to stay complacent, in a place you think is safe only because things stay the same, but really – they become worse.

Our soul speaks directly to our heart, and the heart knows. Who we are in the world is an extension of our heart, what our heart gives, and what it is willing to receive.

Sometimes the heart abides by the rules of the mind, because it longs to be in sync with the mind and the body. But alas, you know that the lack of attention to one part will make the other pieces of the anchor weak. We are the sum of our wholeness, and we long to feel whole.

Your greatness calls you forward because it is your life assignment to fulfill your greatest talents. They are already in you, just waiting.

Time to answer. Namaste.


Go To The Edge

If you were to stand at the edge of action, what would be the fuel behind the push?

If you were to make the decision of your life, what kind of decision would it be?

Would it be writing the book you said you would, someday?

Would you invite true love into your life?

Would you forgive situations and people who have kept you in fear?

What would going to the edge look like?

I receive Danielle Laporte’s daily truth bombs in my email.  I love her. She is a writer that shows me I can write from my spirited, passionate, and sometimes crazy truth, and there will be people who get me.

Well, last night I came across this:

Joy Lives at the Edge

Just a month ago, I wrote down Go to the Edge’ as part of my blossoming into 2014. I started this article and then it sit, like many others I return to when completion is ready.

Since there are no accidents, clearly, I was to finish this article today. Much of my writing is done this way. And then I noticed: I AM this way.

I was sharing with a friend of mine how I have journals and notebooks all over my house, in different handbags, and in my car. Ideas and thoughts strike me and I write them down. Most of my notebooks make no sense. There are streams of thought captured in any given moment, quotes that move me, words that I myself find flash across a screen that I know as my mind.

Going to the edge is noticing that this is how I am, and I don’t even think that there is a teacher out there that would encourage a student to keep random journals that house only fragments of words, lacking theme and meaning, and system or outline.

But this is the beauty of my journey into self-mastery…I discovered my creative flow when visiting these journals throughout the months, and piecing a message that comes from my SHE – my Soul’s Highest Expression.

The edge is very much like seeing yourself in the mirror. It’s looking at your reflection long enough to see what’s really there. Noticing what you love, and being overjoyed in realizing that you do: love you.

Going to the edge is not hiding from self truth. It is claiming your truth, even if it doesn’t make sense. Because you know it doesn’t need to.

Going to the edge is saying what is so, from your heart, to who stands before you: WHOEVER stands before you.

Going to the edge is being your authentic, non-apologetic, and most raw self.

It is just on the cusp of meeting pure joy, your joy.

How crazy beautiful is that?

I’m going there, and you know you can meet me.

No Greater Agony

There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside youMaya Angelou

The thought of arriving at the end of my life and asking myself “What if I pursued my dreams? Where would I be?” would feel like heartbreak. Sometimes I have to remind myself that I cannot give up the fact of not experiencing the journey of pursuing my dreams. It’s that much of a core desire for me.

Is it for you? Do you feel that you MUST DO that one thing that always drives you, even if it means you may fail? Or are you attached to success, and only success?

I must be in major transformation, because I am willing to experience failure to get to the place of knowing that I was supposed to do exactly what I did my whole life – no matter what.

But hey, failure is perception too. Failure for some may purely mean not having achieved financial or business success. Failure may mean not having been the celebrity face that most people across the world would recognize. Those are great outcomes, but not mine. I don’t long for that.

So here’s mine, and a lot of you ring true with this same desire: I simply want to do exactly what my heart longs for. For me, that is creating community, it is being with others, as a teacher, a healer, a coach. It is expressing myself through my work and through my writing. Everything I do gives me great joy, and the people around me are very much like me.

You know what it feels like to be deeply moved, right? When you have seen something so beautiful and it just takes your breath away?
You know what it feels like when you hear something really profound, it shifts your way of your thinking?

Well, the idea of not pursuing your dreams would mean giving that up, only it would be an even greater agony. The agony of holding back your true gift to serve so many people around you. Consider that pursuing your dreams means giving others the juicy, joyful feelings that we hope would happen more throughout life.

I would not deny the world of my essence.

I can’t deny the joy I love and feel when I am with others who are also pursuing their dreams.

Can you?

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